Sheer Luck

“November 20. Andrius's birthday. I had counted the days carefully. I wished him a happy birthday when I woke and thought about him while hauling logs during the day. At night, I sat by the light of the stove, reading Dombey and Son. Krasivaya. I still hadn't found the word. Maybe I'd find it if I jumped ahead. I flipped through some of the pages. A marking caught my eye. I leafed backward. Something was written in pencil in the margin of 278. Hello, Lina. You've gotten to page 278. That's pretty good! I gasped, then pretened I was engrossed in the book. I looked at Andrius's handwritting. I ran my finger over this elongated letters in my name. Were there more? I knew I should read onward. I couldn't wait. I turned though the pages carefully, scanning the margins. Page 300: Are you really on page 300 or are you skipping ahead now? I had to stifle my laughter. Page 322: Dombey and Son is boring. Admit it. Page 364: I'm thinking of you. Page 412: Are you ...

At this pretty normal age of sensibility striking into me, why do i sometimes feel i am yet growing in to this barbie doll each day who longs for those hard core knocks of love entering into my mind? I agree and confirm yet another time that ive always been that cheesy sort who would fall at every step of sanity with a little thunder going into my veins. A look from a corner, an eye for an eye, crap.....!! I won't really appreciate thinking of the rubbish i might have gone through, thanks to the reservations i once had about being a random girl, i always had this hunch in my mind that i am not some girl next door. I had to be different, yet far from reach and eventually i ended up being so out of everyone's mind. Good for me. I am running short of places to fill with unwanted people. I still feel the same though, but with a changed perception. I might have given endless chances to people at different times but that's purely because i was seeing the situation from their end ...

I think im wrong when i say ive grown up with the due liberty that gives me the feeling of being decisive when its needed. Only because i know that no matter what, i still look up to people around who can help me out make choices for myself. At times i feel sick of doing what im told. but then i realize, had i been so good in taking my steps, i would have not done so.. that's the reason behind my indecisiveness. Eventually i end up depending on people around to guide me for my good. But again, how dumb you are, you can not live with this instruction based life for long. Talk about me, i have always imagined my life to be free to the extent of taking my decisions on my own. Feeling absolutely empowered on things that bring good to me or things that make me feel bad. I always wondered what does it feel like getting up in the morning knowing that i am spending a complete day on my own. No one to ask, no one to bother..dreams as i say ! Come to the next picture, i thought i wanted to b...

Life carries too many things that are sometimes way too hard to digest and makes you feel crushed into a million broken pieces. Even if you want to gather all the courage to sum up whatever is left within you, you still get this empty feeling at hand. This is nevertheless a good reason to close all the doors you see opening on to you. No matter how hard you try, you would get defeats every time you feel like having this wining spirit in yourself. This again, is not a valid reason for you to give up. Look at me, i can boast of one thing about me though. I never had a very fascinating life that i could show others to feel envied about. But yet, along with all those hurdles, each time i cried, i took a deep breath and went back to sleep. Even if i see myself with soggy eyes in the morning, i know it won't last more than a day. And then again im ready to meet people who would at times love me for what i am or hate me for what i cannot be. The thing is, i can never see myself the way ot...

It was only yesterday that I used to think about what it is like working. By working I was thinking about getting into the practical world. But I felt there was this fear within me of facing the world outside. I never wondered what was causing it inside me neither I thought of getting rid from it. It wasn’t like I never was a part of the social circle or that I never had any chance of getting out of my box but still I was hoping that one day I would see myself standing in front of this syndrome and feel relaxed. Then one day finally I figured out that I am supposedly looking for a chance to go out and work. And I succeeded within no time. Getting this help from a dear friend was as good as heaven to me. I was actually working at this small firm within the next few days of my interview being carried out. I found it rather comfortable being there. Soon I was introduced to this bunch of girls who already worked there. Everyone was unique in their own way and yet they had this one thing c...

Its thirty one past 12 at night. same old routine. mummy watching tv, me on the couch, laptop on my lap.... facebooking, farmville and cafe world, my latest love.... some kinda music playing off and on... all in all, i dont mind admitting that im bored... dont know why, but ever since ochu left this time, i am suffering with this unbeatble insomnia.. it sucks, cuz in the end, its the night's sleep that comforts you, what do you think ? but i dont think ive slept in the past few days at all. i wonder what is keeping me so restless... i mean im glad im over with university... i dont really have anything eating my head 24/7, still.... i doubt, when exactly i can get out of it ?

I dont remember exactly, but im making tea ever since i started lighting the match stick. My family being one of the "tea-anytime-everytime-" sort, im the one who was supposedly responsible for making them tea at any time of the day. Once baba comes back home, give him one cup of tea (a good one-mind it) and he's upto whatever u want him to do.. and then bro darling, he has developed this " where's my bed tea" ? syndrome too. so all in all, i can go for a nomination where i can compete for highest number of times i make tea. But now, i believe that somehow in recent years, my tea making ability has become a lil' more perfect, i started noting when a few regular guests who come and have tea made it a point that they get tea only when i make them, otherwise no. but then, i had confusions like maybe everyone who makes tea tastes the same as it does to me when i make it.. i started comparing it with other places. No.. not it all.. not even near to what it ta...