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Caught in the middle !

I think im wrong when i say ive grown up with the due liberty that gives me the feeling of being decisive when its needed. Only because i know that no matter what, i still look up to people around who can help me out make choices for myself. At times i feel sick of doing what im told. but then i realize, had i been so good in taking my steps, i would have not done so.. that's the reason behind my indecisiveness. Eventually i end up depending on people around to guide me for my good. But again, how dumb you are, you can not live with this instruction based life for long.

Talk about me, i have always imagined my life to be free to the extent of taking my decisions on my own. Feeling absolutely empowered on things that bring good to me or things that make me feel bad. I always wondered what does it feel like getting up in the morning knowing that i am spending a complete day on my own. No one to ask, no one to bother..dreams as i say !

Come to the next picture, i thought i wanted to be stern in choosing my catches every time im supposed to. But then again, i guessed i got this tag visibly placed on my head that i end up seeing myself being dumped on to what people might wanna choose for me. even though when in a relationship, two people should have equal right to decide what way they should take the whole thing. But ultimately its the worst part of my life when i know that im not in a position to declare that i am thinking so and so about my life. I just don't think im capable of taking things in my hands. Probably i lost my determination or the sense of visualizing my life as one independent thing.

i know im not doing any good to me. When i know i should be strong and bold to rebel against the odds that i find in my life, still i consider suppressing myself a option. Too bad ! Even though experiences give you enough proofs but i am always hoping for some change to take place. I wish, i really wish too bad to see one such thing happen, and that even when i need it most...but lets see.. my complexities and my state of confusion is making me sick now. i know im being treated like an option, and i know that i shouldn't let this happen but this weak feeling inside doesnt let me break through.. i wanna get out of it....soon ! i want to live a life that provides me the liberty of being on my own. and with somebody who is willing to share their life with me, inside out... im tired of running after visions and shadows..

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